We all see those couples, walking hand-in-hand, the ones whose eyes say more about their feelings than words ever could. No sight causes more envy or desire in a young woman than the sight of an older couple that still look at each other which such love. We all look on wondering how people get and stay so exceedingly happy.
All relationships require work but none so much as marital ones. People grow, evolve and ultimately change throughout their entire lives and these changes can test your relationship to the brink of destruction. Some couples, particularly those in past generations, where the couple is tied to one another for financial reasons continue living together as companions simply letting their love fade away. Younger generations tend to give up entirely getting divorced and remarried repeatedly.
There are of course cases in which infidelities, violence and secrets too long kept make a marriage impossible to salvage. However despite what made for TV movies may lead you to believe these occurrences are rarely the cause of divorce. The top three reasons for divorce in the United States are finances, lack of a sexual relationship and major life changes.
When it comes to family finances, one of the biggest problems is a lack of communication both during and prior to marriage. People go into a marriage without discussing personal debt, spending habits and even expectations such as whether one or both partners will be breadwinners.
The sexual aspects of relationships are important. Recent studies have shown that love is influenced by chemical compatibility as much as by friendship, trust and communication. When your sex life fades or even becomes habitual your relationship outside the bedroom suffers as well.
Major life changes are not something that can be planned for or predicted but if you have a strong relationship with open and honest communication than you have a much better chance of not only surviving these changes but coming out an even better couple for it.
Many people look at working on your relationship as a sign that there is a problem when in reality you can prevent problems by working on your communication from the start. My fiancé and I, having discussed this, will be talking to other couples we know, reading articles and books and exploring ways to enhance our relationship for years to come. As we pick up new ways to improve communications we will be passing them on starting with Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti by Bill and Pam Farrel.
